I, Jan Austen...

Man must cheat

2010-05-19T19:56:00.004+02:00

Even as night follows day, Man must cheat. And if Man did not, night would not follow day.
But let Woman not get on her high heels over this: For every cheating man exists a compliant, complicit, willing woman.

If Wishes were Hookers…

2010-05-12T20:02:00.002+02:00

If Wishes were Hookers then Poor Men would Fuck.

When to get a willing, Yes, I do...

2010-05-09T19:11:00.002+02:00

A woman should know that if her bedfellow does not require Sexual Gratification at least three times a week her ambitions to have him willingly make a marriage of her are done. It is best to manipulate the marriage proposal while he is hot and distracted―and therefore insensible to the placing of the manacles.
Of course, that age-old cure to bachelorhood―the so-called Shocking, Surprising, Amazing & Unwanted Miracle Pregnancy―remains, as ever, available for use with the unwilling.

On deciding to allow a Man in…

2010-05-07T00:33:00.003+02:00

Once she has decided to let her bedfellow in, a woman intent on a longer term relationship should not fake her orgasm over dramatically. Instead she must cultivate a faked orgasm that will stand the tests of time and pace. To always reach for the chandeliers and yell down the bedroom walls will be tiresome and impractical to replicate over and over. Which replication must, nonetheless, be done.
So a woman must never set the bar too high to begin with. This is a classic and major error that must be avoided. Otherwise any longer term relationship is doomed, for a Man is unwilling to accept much less than what went before. His ego demands it.

Infidelity…

2010-05-06T01:00:00.002+02:00

To play the cuckold is unmanly—and castrating. Something like striking out playing softball, guttering three balls in succession while out bowling—driving for two inches using Big Bertha. A man hates to look foolish, and striking out with his wife is idiotic.
A woman never accepts infidelity. To be cheated on is to have her power shattered. And without her power she can manipulate nothing. The 'elephant' in the small room with her has turned unpredictable and is no longer easily manipulated. Instead the elephant must be abandoned—or shot. If possible...
If not he must be punished unmercifully, made to labor, and made to pay. But never forgiven.

These Three Things Shook the World

2010-05-04T20:52:00.004+02:00

The Pill. 1960. (Patent Number(s) 2,691,028;2,725,389)
Women are freed to manipulate the male species.

In Vitro fertilization. 1978.
Women control propagation of the human species.

The Cell. 1983
Women are empowered to manipulate and control the world 24/7―while shopping.

2009-05-19T20:42:00.002+02:00

Away with False Prophets

Let him who speaks against the truth concerning The Special Theory of Relationships be anathema and accursed. If possible.
But let him who accepts such Theory in his heart be blessed…
Let us all justly thunder against those who by any means whatever contrive to suppress the truth concerning the Politics of Sex.
Away, then, with all those False Prophets who speak of Happiness, Love, Trust and Mutual Understanding.

2009-05-17T18:15:00.002+02:00

The Test and the Kingdom

At all times, and before pretended absolution, Women require total and silent compliance with the full list of Household Chores―as preliminary tests of true Male contrition. The penalty of withholding sex remains as long as the Man is not truly subjugate, that is, until he performs all assigned Household Chores―thereby showing true submission.
Until then his entrance into the kingdom of Earthly Delights is barred.

2009-05-16T12:03:00.002+02:00

Restating the Obvious

It is vain for a Man to trust in personal charm alone in his pursuit of his Sexual Needs. And were he to offer his soul as security, t’wer not enough either―even twice multiplied. A Woman is pulled onto a Man by a Sheer Force equivalent to the Square of his Bankroll.
This important Rule cannot be restated often enough.

2009-05-15T16:49:00.001+02:00

Unsound Doctrine

They preach Unsound Doctrine who teach that contrition is not necessary on the part of those Males who intend to get themselves clear of nagging—and instead obtain resumption of Sexual Privileges.

2009-05-14T16:29:00.001+02:00

Saving some...

Men are to be taught that, unless they get less fucking than they need, they must reserve enough for their Wife’s ‘needs’ and by no means must they squander themselves on every Tammy, Dinka and Harriet.

2009-05-13T18:23:00.003+02:00

Mercy Fucking—Wife

A Wife is to be taught that she should wish to give an occasional Mercy Fuck, even though she has to overlook the sloppy performances of certain Household Chores. And although the immediate temptation is also to cajole money, this should be occasionally avoided in the 'Spirit of the Moment,' even if this does not genuinely exist.
For She who seems to give freely and willingly to her bedfellow buys herself future Household Chores. And the freer and more willing, the greater these Household Chores will be.

2009-05-12T17:20:00.002+02:00

Remission of Male Guilt arising out of Infidelity

A Woman cannot remit any male guilt arising out of infidelity, not even by declaring and showing that it has been remitted by God. She reserves, to be sure, remission of such guilt to herself alone, insofar as this is possible. But she is incapable of such forgiveness, even if she has declared the opposite—something rare in itself.

Women nonetheless act ignorantly and wickedly who, even in the case of dying or dead relationships, insist on malice. It is fortunate for Males that they—by then, and also by and large—no longer care.

2009-05-11T11:55:00.000+02:00

Free Choice

Men are nonetheless to be taught that fucking a Woman is a matter of her free choice, not his command.

2009-05-09T17:49:00.001+02:00

Household Chores are not everything...

Nor do all Men merit Sexual Favors all the time. For even having completed Household Chores they are not always in the necessary State of Grace with the Woman.

2009-05-08T09:55:00.001+02:00

Leverage

That Sexual Favors are not simply for the having is certainly clear, for many wives do not distribute them freely but only use them as levers.

2009-05-07T17:28:00.001+02:00

Best to Allow Sleeping Dogs to Lie

It is best to let Sleeping Dogs lie… Instead, most Women have completely unrealistic expectations that are quite contrary to their own personal knowledge and experience. And it is worth restating the further obvious fact: for every unfaithful Man there is a complicit Woman. And that Woman could be anybody, even you.

2009-05-06T19:49:00.004+02:00

Man's True Power

As has been stated, and restated, the true power of a Man to attract a Woman is expressed in the Square of the Bankroll he has available. Without this proper bankroll he may as well entertain himself.
But this is naturally most odious, for it makes the richest to be first.
On the other hand, the concept of Charm, Grace and Personal merit is naturally more acceptable to most Men—for it makes the last to be first.
But for the Last to become First is a far more of a fable and far less of a fact...
In the real and not imagined world the keys to the hole that lies between a woman’s legs is the clink of money in the money chest, and not the sound of honey in her ear.
Yea, I say unto you how clear it is that the mere charms and beauties of men are not of themselves greatly sufficient for the grant of Sexual Favors. Hear me well, oh my people!

2009-05-05T17:30:00.002+02:00

Contrite Men

A Man who is truly contrite does not exist. Being unfaithful at the time is easily understandable to him. This is even more understandable when he knows that should the same circumstances present themselves he will again be unfaithful.

2009-05-03T18:33:00.000+02:00

A Woman's Favors are not a Gift

Men must especially be on guard against those who say that a Woman’s favors are are simply a gift of Womankind by which a man is not bound to her. Nothing is further from being true.

2009-05-02T21:37:00.002+02:00

Connubial Bliss and Household Chores

Men in despair of Connubial Bliss should understand that resistance by the Woman to Actual Sex will necessarily decrease, and prospects increase, in proportion to the number of Household Chores timeously and duteously completed by the Man.

2009-05-01T11:44:00.002+02:00

Gold Digging is not Actually Criminal

Treasures of the clinking or rustling kind can best be used to promote the most gain with Women of Beauty.
Yet in truth the graces of Person and Character should count more. But that they do not is a fact of life.
Bishops, curates and other Marriage Officers are nonetheless bound to marry Women of Beauty who marry solely for money, even if this is known.

2009-04-30T17:29:00.000+02:00

Injurious Felony

Injury is done to the relationship when a larger amount of time is devoted to nagging than to fucking.

2009-04-29T10:22:00.002+02:00

Understanding

Men and Women are to be taught that their libidos are quite different. Estrogen is a kind of chloroform to the Woman’s libido, while the exactions of testosterone often burn to ashes a Man’s skin, flesh and bone―raging in all directions from his penis. This is nobody’s fault, simply is as is, and arises from the latest Universal Big Bang.

2009-04-28T17:07:00.002+02:00

Self Protection

Women are to be taught that Men can be very useful only if Women do not put all their trust in them, and that Men can be very harmful if this is all they come to rely upon.

2009-04-27T20:41:00.001+02:00

Morality

Men are also to be taught that a Woman, in granting sex, may need the money―and so what, if she does?

2009-04-26T20:38:00.001+02:00

Unforgivable Male Error

Any truly repentant, unfaithful male has nonetheless no right to full resumption of Sexual Privileges, even with sincere promises of future fidelity. Some male errors can never be forgiven, screwing around being one such error.

2009-04-25T12:09:00.001+02:00

Encouraging infidelity

Women are to be taught that she who sees a needy Bedfellow and passes him by, yet gives him reason to find his needs fulfilled elsewhere. Shirking a man’s sexual needs does not encourage fidelity but the opposite.

2009-04-24T18:39:00.001+02:00

Mercy Fucks

Women should be taught that a Man's occasional Mercy Fuck with somebody else does no harm―and can occasionally save a marriage.

2009-04-23T20:41:00.003+02:00

Preaching abstinence

A woman must preach abstinence with caution, lest her bedfellow begin to think that she finds acts of physical love a Household Chore.

2009-04-22T19:41:00.001+02:00

Holy Forgiveness

A woman does not even pretend to remit guilt to any disloyal man unless at the same time he humbles him in all things and makes himself submissive to her from then on, and forever. And then still not…
Even so pretended remissions of guilt are granted only by a woman on a living relationship, and, according to the purposes she has in mind. Nothing, not even pretended forgiveness, is afforded any dying or dead relationship.
Therefore Holy Forgiveness by the woman is always by way of exception and political expediency.

2009-02-14T17:34:00.002+01:00

Sex is not what Women want—But it cannot be Disregarded

It is very difficult, even for the most learned and diligent Man, ever to fathom what it is Women aspire to or want. They appear themselves not to know―and may never have.
Nevertheless, a Woman’s interest in sexual intimacy is by no means to be disregarded, for they are desperate for Affection and Communication.

2009-02-03T11:10:00.009+01:00

Why males have easy orgasms—
and a Conundrum

It is held by many that any ordinary and everyday Male participates in all the easy orgasms a man is prone to. And such ease is granted unto him in an otherwise desperate world by the need for the Species to Survive, or DNA to replicate itself. Why ever else would he venture there?
But on this Theory it becomes a conundrum why Gay men have even easier and more frequent orgasms.

2009-01-09T12:40:00.002+01:00

Cult of Sacred Whore

Hear me, O my People!
Once in India existed the cult of Sacred Whore…
Yes, once such a thing existed, and exists to this very day!
Their Great Goddess is Yellamma, and to be a Whore is a Sacred Calling.
For to be dedicated a Sacred Whore is Honored, and Respected, then and now—and why not?
For Who may cast the first stone?
And here is their poem/prayer…

I am not like other women.
You may enter in my house
But bring with you money.

If you do not bring as much as I ask,
I will take less, perhaps.
But not much less.

To cross from the road into my house
You will need a thousand in gold.
Give two thousand and see where I sleep,
And rest on my pillow covered in silk.
But only if you have the gold…

To sit close by me
And put you hand into my sari
And between my naked legs halfway
Will cost five thousand
But you must have the gold…

Ten thousand you will need
To cup my rounded breasts
And to touch my hardened points.
Only you must have the gold…

Thirty thousand it will cost
To place your mouth over mine
And paint my lips with a kiss.
But bring with you the gold…

To hold me close
And to touch my hole of love
And obtain final union
Hear me carefully
You must shower me
In a shower of gold.
But bring with you buckets.

2008-12-26T17:29:00.001+01:00

A man and his penis

No man is sure of the integrity of his own penis, much less of a penis already risen, or even one on the rise.

2008-10-19T17:13:00.000+02:00

Daily Sex

Those who believe that they can be certain of their Daily Sex because they have a Marriage Certificate are eternally damned to disillusionment.

2008-10-17T10:03:00.003+02:00

The Power

That power which a woman has between her legs corresponds to the very same power which any woman has―and is used by her with her present Bedfellow in the same way as some other woman once used previously with this same Bedfellow.
Thus the woman does very well indeed who realizes she grants Sexual Favors to her Bedfellow not because she is anything special, which she is not—but that this is by the same power she shares in common with her sisters.

2008-10-16T12:04:00.000+02:00

Hell, Purgatory, and Heaven

Hell, Purgatory, and Heaven all lie in a narrow bodily Triangle.

2008-07-17T17:23:00.002+02:00

Divorced Males

Only the dead are freed by death from all wrath and penalties imposed by a betrayed woman. Divorced males are are already dead as far as the Laws of Female Forgiveness are concerned. And, in any event, even the dead male has no right to be released from any guilt. He is fortunate, in death, to be insensible.

2008-06-29T12:23:00.001+02:00

Free sex

The Man who actually obtains free sex is as rare as the Woman who gives it. Indeed, they are both exceedingly rare.

2008-06-19T21:10:00.002+02:00

Money Clinks

They preach only very human doctrines who say that as soon as the money clinks into the money chest, legs fly open more easily in response.
Yea, for it is certain that when money clinks in the money chest, Sexual Willingness is increased; but when the Man relies on his personal charm truly the result is in the hands of Chance alone.

2008-06-11T11:01:00.002+02:00

Imperfect Repentance

Imperfect Repentance on the part of the Guilty Male necessarily brings with it great female resentment; and the smaller the repentance, the greater the resentment.
This Imperfect Repentance is sufficient in itself―to say nothing of other things―to bring on the penalty of Sex Withheld, since it is very near to adding not only insult but also further injury to injury already sustained.

2008-06-01T16:13:00.002+02:00

What happened to the Gods

Hear me, O my People: The Gods have retreated from Mount Olympus, and they no longer live in the Clouds either. So take it from there.

2008-05-25T20:45:00.002+02:00

Treatment of Men under Suspicion

Let all women know that it is not proved—either by Reason or by Scripture—that Men Under Suspicion should stand—on the ground of suspicion alone—outside the state of grace that is required for the grant and receiving of Sexual Communion.
Nor does it seem proved right in itself that a Man in Despair and Not Proved Guilty by Solid Evidence must be denied Sexual Communion. This is even if the woman may be entirely―but only intuitively―certain of such guilt.
Therefore, the woman—when she uses the words, ‘I know what you did,’ though not meaning, ‘By actual, independent evidence’―but says so based only on her intuition―should not Withhold All Manner of Sex
In truth, a woman is in serious error who says that a man is not entitled to the grant of Sexual Gratification—even though he be merely suspected of infidelity.
As a matter of fact, women should remit to Men in Despair no penalty. This only works to make such men seek sex elswhere and is counter productive.

2008-05-22T11:52:00.002+02:00

Undeserving men

If women penalized undeserving men, they would never have sex with anybody.

2008-05-19T16:30:00.002+02:00

"I do"

When a woman says, “I do...” To a man such words are clear and only mean one thing: promise of sexual gratification. “I do” are words to to him worthless unless they produce various concrete transports and ecstasies of his flesh.
Yet these very same words, said by a woman, cannot be understood by her as referring to any promise of constant sexual communion. That is, satisfaction, as administered within marriage.
Rather, when a woman says, “I do,” she means she now consents to taking over his entire life―a future of constant confession, compliance and repentance.

2008-01-18T18:40:00.000+01:00

Man must cheat

Even as night follows day, man must cheat. And if man did not, night would not follow day.
But let woman not get on her high heels over this: For every cheating man exists a compliant, complicit woman.

2007-10-18T11:06:00.000+02:00

Meaning of life

energy equals mass by the speed of light squared.

Wrong-tracked by petty disputes with Bohr and Heisenberg, Einstein never got round to articulating the axiomatic corollaries to his 'energy' equation.

These axiomatic corollaries which define the Special Theory of Relationships, are:

A woman is attracted to a man according to the square of his bankroll.

A man is attracted to a woman according to the square of her sex appeal.

I declare that these simple equations rule the living universe. I also declare that, clearly, these equations are to be credited to Albert Einstein.

And so...what meaning has this for you, me, us and the everyday universe?

Well, clearly Big, Very Big.

Obvious too, but let this in any case be here explained:

Take as given that a woman is invited to a dinner/show by man#1. Let him be willing to spend amount $x on her dinner/show. And assume further that she is also invited to a dinner/show by man#2. And let him be willing to spend $2x on her show/dinner. Then Einstein's Special Theory of Relationships has it that such woman will wish to attend such dinner/show with man#2 four times as much as with man#1--and not merely twice as much.

Assume further that a man is extended an introduction to woman#1, who on a scale of one-to-ten registers sex appeal in the amount of x. And assume further that this man is also offered an introduction to woman #2 who registers on the same scale 2x in sex appeal. Then Einstein's Special Theory of Relationships posits that such man will wish to be introduced to woman#2 four times as much as woman#1, and not merely twice as much.

Well, of course, now you all say this is very obvious. Ah, yes, I say...but I, Jan Austen, also declare it took Einstein.

Q.E.D.

2007-10-10T10:30:00.001+02:00

In the begin-
ning...

There was no begin-

ning, okay? And the title ought to read:

'Basics.'

Basics being... What Is...Is, always Was and always Will Be. These 'Basics' are easily defined in 1.

Also, The Theory of Everything is nothing much. Find it in 2.

Basics can be reduced to 1, Everything to 2. So...So far, so good.

All we need next is some Einstein--a little Einstein--and we're ready to deduce, yes? Deduce things like: Making her earth shake is like moving Mount Everest...or striking a match and trying to kindle green wood while out in the open under a tropical downpour. Not easy. And nobody's fault either. A woman is attracted to a man according to the square of the size of his bankroll, not his manhood. See 4.